I know that normally Christmas presents come stuffed inside a Santa sack, hanging from a hook.
But not this one. Instead of hanging something on the hook this year? I’m letting you off it.
I’m not sure if it’s because of the crazy year we’ve had, or just a collective consciousness theme at the moment, but I’m noticing a lot of clients being really hard on themselves… can you relate?
Going over old actions, conversations and relationships and beating themselves up for what they could have done better. Feeling bad about themselves because of how life has beaten them down during 2020. Some are even holding on to shame or guilt for things they did as a CHILD! I know, it sounds illogical, but the here’s the thing… the ego and inner child don’t really give two shits about logic most of the time 😉 the Inner Child has an amazing ability to take something that happened in the early years, make it mean something about them, and then run with that theme, embedding it into the subconscious for the rest of their life.
That is until they come across a subconscious-belief Ninja like myself. Shining a light on it and pulling the weed out from the roots, before it has a chance to do any further sabotaging in the unsuspecting person’s life 😉
And here’s the perfect example. I was doing an Experiential Healing process with a client a few days ago and two of the things she still struggles with today are perfectionism and always trying to do the right thing by everyone else. When we dived into the process and traced it back to the root cause, what emerged was that at age 6, her parents separated. She did, what children commonly do (because they don’t yet have a well-developed logic/reasoning) and felt that it was somehow her fault, or that she had contributed to it and in some way could have prevented it. As a result, her inner child made the decision that “I wasn’t a good enough little girl for Mum and Dad to stay together”, which then led to further decisions of “in order to be loved and feel safe, I must do more, be more, give more, and make sure everyone around me is okay first”. You can see how this then goes. As a result, she grows up running those subconscious programs and always wanting to be a good girl and do the right thing by everyone else, rather than honouring or considering her own needs. That early decision she made of her not being good enough has permeated into her psyche and acted as a silent driver of her behaviour ever since. It’s great to do things for other people, but not when it’s being driven by a fear-based subconscious program. I think we could all agree that when you give because your heart is full and you just want to, it fills you with so much more joy than when it comes from a need to be needed or lower vibrational state. When she looked back on this event, she never realised she took on that blame for her parent’s separation, because as she looks back on it today, she sees it through the adult filter (which applies logic and reasoning). But as we know, the child doesn’t have that. They experience things and personalise it to mean something about them.
But not everyone has a Ninja on call, and especially not during the holiday season, so here are some things you can do to go a little easier on yourself as we head into the New Year:
- Start by switching the internal dialogue from what have I not done well, to “what have I done well?” What can I acknowledge myself for? What can I be proud of myself for? Sometimes even just surviving can be an achievement in itself. Start looking for ways to acknowledge yourself, making lists of your good qualities and reminding yourself of all that you’ve been through. Make a list and check it twice!
- Continue to tune into your inner dialogue (“voices in your head”!) and pay attention to any negative or perfectionist thoughts.
- If you are really aware, you can begin to look at those thoughts and trace back where they came from? Did someone say that to you as a child? Did you overhear someone say that about someone else as a child? See the Ego is VERY GOOD at figuring out how we should be in order to be loved, and expert at keeping us on track to be (or at least seem to be) that. Even the way we are taught Santa is “gonna find out who’s naughty and nice” just illustrates the good/bad programming.
- Forgive yourself! Whatever you haven’t done well in the past, let it go. And also, if you did things that weren’t great? Well, you were doing the best you could with the consciousness and tools you had at the time. Let yourself off the hook! Holding on to this, or continually punishing yourself for past actions, is unnecessary and not productive for you – or anyone around you! Also was it even really yours to begin with?
- Be clear with your intentions and check in often. These days, I find it super important for me to be clear in my intentions, that way you can be sure you have the highest intentions and there is no room for fear-based programs or motives to sneak back in. It doesn’t mean they won’t try, but you will spot them straight away. By doing this, I have found it super easy to keep moving forward in my own authenticity and integrity. If I create something and it’s not perfect, or I make a mistake for example, I always come back to “well what were my intentions?” and usually my intentions are to help more people live a joyful and inspired life, so if I make mistakes along the way, I can easily forgive myself because I know in my heart now that I am coming from the right place and that as long as your heart is good and your intentions are good, then mistakes can easily be forgiven! If you are trying to sell something because you desperately need the money then you have a fear-based (scarcity) program running and that will be clouding an otherwise pure intention to help people.
- PERSPECTIVE. Some people do TERRIBLE, terrible things in this world. Trust me, I listen to a LOT of crime podcasts. I know. And so often these people do these terrible things and don’t give it a second thought. They often don’t wallow in shame or guilt or remorse. (Not always obviously, and no judgment on them as many of them have had horrific lives themselves). But the point I’m making is the contrast of “good” people making minor mistakes and beating themselves up terribly. I speak to people every day that I can see have a BEAUTIFUL PURE POWERFUL heart and a loving spirit, and yet they carry fears and beliefs about not being good enough, not having done enough, not being perfect enough. They beat themselves up and allow themselves to continually play small and stay safe, rather than allowing themselves to be truly seen for who they are.
- No one is perfect. Not even me (SHOCK I know!). I can be very, (very!) impatient. I used to judge myself for it, now I understand that it just comes from my fast mind – and if they are a package deal then I can accept that. Get to know yourself. It is truly the greatest gift you can give yourself this Christmas. Once you know yourself, you understand yourself, have greater compassion for yourself and can easily discern between what’s yours and what’s not.
I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and NY. Let me know if this resonates or if you have any questions. See you in 2021! xx