Judgement is a funny old thing isn’t it… we all have our inner critic that we often apply outwardly to others too. It’s cool… we are programmed to see things as good or bad from a very early age so don’t judge yourself for it!
People sometimes say to me “it’s brave that you share your personal and sometimes even vulnerable stuff in your writing, and aren’t you worried about people judging you?”
No I’m actually not anymore and here’s why…
1. SO… the secret about judgment is this: If someone does judge you, guess what… it’s not personal! They are actually just judging a part of themselves that they either can’t accept or haven’t acknowledged yet (or both). The saying goes: “If you spot it, you got it”. The perfect example is people who body shame or critique others physical appearances – they are usually the most critical and dissatisfied about their own bodies. Or the Boss who is super critical of their employees and puts any tiny mistake under the microscope – this is just a representation of their own internal dialogue and how hard they are on themselves.
This was first bought to my attention a few years ago and I have since seen it to be true. When you realise all judgements are internal projections, it is much easier to not take it personally as in some ways it isn’t actually about you 😉
2. Secondly when you are 100% yourself, you energetically give every single person around you permission to show up as 100% authentically themselves too – so you are giving them all a gift without them even knowing (you’re welcome!). Even if it feels uncomfortable at first, embracing who you are and being okay with people seeing you as you are, is a huge step not just for yourself but for everyone you come in contact with.
3. And thirdly (my favourite)… although we are intrinsically wired from an evolutionary perspective with a need for affiliation and desire to be liked, there is actually nothing more freeing than the moment the penny drops on the realization that when you are 100% authentically yourself, some people may NOT like it… but guess what?
If you spend your whole life trying to please everyone you will end up pleasing no one (including yourself) so make peace now with the fact that you won’t be everyone’s cup of tea… but the good news is that the people you do click with will be much more meaningful and fulfilling connections and the days of wanting to be liked by the masses will long be forgotten
4. Everything in your reality is a reflection of your current beliefs, thoughts, programs, conditioning etc. If someone passes judgment about you and it affects you then I would invite you to ask yourself the following three questions:
~ does a part of me believe it to be true?
~ when did I first hear someone pass this judgment (on me or someone else?)
~ how does it make me feel?
The question about a part of you believing it to be true is an important one. If someone came up to me tomorrow and said “Amber, I think you are inconsiderate – you are always late and never care about how it affects others”…
Apart from the initial shock! I wouldn’t actually feel hurt by that… why? Because I know 100% in my being that that is not true and no part of me resonates with it…
However… if they came up to me tomorrow and said “Amber, you don’t share your French fries and it’s really starting to impact our friendship!” …
(All jokes aside) I would actually feel something around that that comment… because it’s true and I know it to be true! I mean sure it is a running joke amongst our friends (and now I perpetuate it so that I actually don’t have to share them ) but because it hits on something that I feel to be true about myself also, it doesn’t just wash off me as easily as the comment that I know to be completely false. I mean obviously now would be a good time to share sob stories about how fast my brothers ate as kids and why I felt anxious sharing food because if I didn’t eat fast enough then it would all be gone! But really that’s a separate and irrelevant side story that does no justice to the fact that with Chef Lyn at the helm none of us ever went hungry 😉
But anyways my point is this… if someone says something to you and it impacts you, remember that everything is a co-creation and rather than pointing the finger back at them, I would invite you to take the opportunity to ask yourself the question if you do believe it? Even just a small part of you or at a deep subconscious level… Perhaps someone told you off for being lazy when you were 6 and subconsciously you’ve held on to the fear of that judgment ever since. Breathe in to your body as you ask the question and see what comes up – try not to pre-empt the answer or use your logical mind. You might be surprised what answer you get or insights that come up! And remembering – most importantly of all is how it makes you feel.
The more you can look within instead of biting back, the more you will begin to notice repetitive themes. Remember that we are constantly creating our own reality as a direct reflection of our thoughts, beliefs, programs, conditioning, etc.
As they say, knowledge is power. No more is this true than in knowledge of yourself. Knowing yourself allows you to continue to grow and evolve into a more empowered and loving version of you.
But most of all, remember this:
What other people think of you actually has nothing to do with you…
It upsets or triggers you… in which case it is the perfect opportunity to get the awareness around WHY by asking yourself the questions above.
Look forward to hearing your judgments of this article! 😉